My friends and family wouldn’t exactly call me private. Not would they describe me as discreet. Or quiet.
They know I’m likely to ask personal questions that many wouldn’t ask. (That’s prying.) They don’t understand why I talk to strangers. (That’s crossing a boundary.) They’re uncomfortable that I share my personal story. (That’s awkward.) They don’t like that I speak up at the wrong time. (That’s rude.)
And they’re right. All true.
There’s inappropriate and rude. l don’t mean to be. There’s nosy and awkward. I don’t mean to be. But then there’s concern and caring and curiosity and a desire to help. That’s me. So do good intentions trump social norms?
IN THE NEWS
June 17, 2021: “Just one night: A local mother’s grief over loss of son to suicide“
February 2022: “Suicide Prevention”
June 11, 2023: “Community must band together to address mental health and suicide prevention
Oct. 12, 2023: “Silent Struggles, Part 2“
October–November 2023: “Silent Struggles” series
Nov. 9, 2023: Fox 9 Teens and Mental Health
Since Jonas died, I’ve told people about my loss probably 25 times — to strangers, acquaintances, other parents whose kids died by suicide. And here’s the amazing thing — about 23 times, the response has convinced me that bad things are happening to a lot of people, and they want to talk about it. Specifically when I mention suicide, people share from their heart the struggles they’re having with their daughter. Their son. They mention the people they know who died by suicide. They’re not uncomfortable sharing because I’m not uncomfortable sharing. My desire to share invites others to share.
And then I can listen. Seriously listen. I start those conversations for a reason, even though I may not be able to identify exactly what that reason is. But I know my job is to listen from that point on. If they ask for advice, I humbly tell them more of my story. I’m not an expert. But I have experience that might be relevant, unfortunately.
My story includes Jonas’ story. And that’s where it gets challenging. His story should be his story, right? I need to respect his privacy and share only what he would want me to share, right?
That’s tough because his life and death are a huge chapter in my story. My story doesn’t have purpose without Jonas as a main character. If I drew a circle diagram, his circle would be a big one intersecting with mine. The overlap holds the moral of the story, one that might help others.